Are You Not One Of Them?

Moods are significant, says a famous philosopher.

Our everyday existence is permeated by a multitude of affective experiences: of ourselves; of others; and of the world around us. "We find ourselves 'thrown' into this world," says Martin Heidegger famously.


Correspondingly, a flood of emotions, moods, and feelings are present to us both proximally and forcefully. Significantly, we are always found in a mood.


Moods establish themselves for us in our childhoods. There, a mood befalls us as a fundamental way in which we come to be attuned to the world.


Anxiety, fear, boredom, and excitement are some moods. Fateful as moods seem to be, they are not necessarily so.


In our relative freedoms, we are also able to 'throw' out even the 'moodiest' conditioning. That is, we have options in actively and authentically aiming at realizing our perceived potentials.

Two minor moods are noteworthy: that of 'grounding' and that of 'travel.' Some tend more to seek protection and commitment, (grounding), others tend more to seek space and freedom (travel).

'Grounding' and 'traveling' may not come across easily as moods, but what about as general attitudes, dispositions, inclinations, or attunements?

Now, nobody is just this one way and not that other way. We all are a mixed bag, a bag of trouble as some might reckon.

Is your tendency one of seeking grounding (safety, predictability, etc.) or rather travel (freedom, risk, etc.)?

And are not all singles and their supporters interested in finding or helping to find a good match? In the evaluation of a potential match, do you then seek the 'same' or the 'opposite'?

What, then, are we trying to match on?   One's good or poor looks, one's excellent or sleazy character, one's ambitious or bland interests? One's attunement to being alive?

Will more of the 'same' fascinate you, or rather the novel experience of the 'opposite'? Two 'grounded' people may find a lot of comfort in each other, and little else.

Two 'travelers' may seldom face each other, unless they travel the same 'road less traveled.' Will the 'same' fascinate you for some 40+ years, or will the 'opposite' perhaps do a better job at keeping you alive?

We cannot be sure of what works best for us, or anyone else. Nobody can. The overused notion of compatibility is unhelpful as it is way too subjective.

Consider and eliminate, perhaps, what definitely will not work for you. 40+ years of marriage is a very long time.